I think that what draws me to writers is that they often do exactly that which I envy them for - they get to sit down and ponder the nature of how things things are, to delve deep into the Scriptures and spend their time polishing a gem of wisdom through the craft-work of their words. It's something that also attracts to being a pastor, I mean, what better use of my time could there be than to invest my life in reading, examining and teaching the living Word of God! At any rate, books teach me alot; but not in the way that a science book teaches me. For many things that I read about, I already have a vague idea of the teaching - in a sense, I already 'know' the material. However, often a book will allow me to see everything in a completely different way and suddenly I'm like "Wow! I never saw it that way before". I think that there many truths which we think we understand, but in reality have only scratched the surface. And precisely this new perspective, this viewing in a different light, can have such profound effects. While it wasn't through a book, several years back God 'opened my eyes', as I call it, to the wonder of his love - something that I thought I understood, but actually didn't -, and this new perspective has had such a deeply profound effect on my life that I can now say,that 50 years from now, I would still probably consider this event one of the major turning points in my life.
As a human, as a Christian, we can know so much about God; and know so much about His characteristics and what the Bible says about Him. We can rattle off all the facts about Jesus, but if we have not had an encounter with God, there is something drastically missing. This whole subject is a road which I don't want to turn down this month, as there are many things which I don't understand, and there would be more questions than answers - but perhaps one month I will open up the question once more.
The Holy Wild
This month one book has especially influenced me and the way I view things, and that would be Mark Buchanan's "The Holy Wild". Through eloquence and poetry, Buchanan attempts to paint a picture of the character of God. Before, I had really never really tried coming to terms God's characteristics, and to know who God is - I was content to base my theology on the adjectives: all-powerful, loving, graceful, etc. But I was missing so much! After all, how can I trust someone wholly if I don't know him? How can I really give 100% of my life, give really every part of me to someone, if I not aware of how that person is? How can I lean completely into God, be completely at rest in the midst of the pouring rain, thunder and lightning when I don't know him? Of course, as humans, we will never understand God, in the same way that our minds cannot imagine a four-dimensional universe. However, on Christmas, we celebrate the day when God incarnate, Jesus Christ, came to live among us! And, because of this and the revelation that God has given us in his Word, we can vaguely piece together a rudimentary picture of God.
One interesting aspect, and in my opinion, a good indication that Buchanan has hit close to the mark, is that while reading this book I saw in myself diluted elements of what he was writing about. This is a good indication because as humans we are created in God's image, and we reflect his characteristics [Genesis 1:27], even though sin has scarred and mutilated this image.
As a musician (if I may call myself so), and an very amateur artist, I was most taken by the chapter "Where the Stones Sing - God's creativity". Being made in the imagine of God, I am creative, because he was first creative. My creativity stems from resting in the presence of God, because as the Great Creator, he has manifested his creativity in the world. And this struck a chord within me, because I love nature. Nature was the tool which God used to see his love, to change me, and nature is what leaves me awestruck before God. To see the vast starry hosts splashed across the night sky, twinkling and shining in all their glory; to lie on a grassy hillside and gaze upwards into the blue azure sky, watching clouds traverse lazily across the heavens. In Senegal, what I knew of nature was for the greater part a vast, arid wasteland, speckled with scrubs and bushes, where the winds picked up vast amounts of dust and the sun bore down in dazzling intensity. And upon arriving in Germany, I have become like a child, standing of awe in cathedral of trees, wide-eyed and mystified. Sitting by the bank and watching the water pass under the bridge, examining the astounding physics of waters,and the way it flows and churns. It is something that I hope I will never loose, this childlike wonder of creation, as Mark puts it,
"You couldn't name it all in a lifetime. You would have to plunder dictionaries in twelve languages to describe adequately one square foot of it."And, I think that God creates things for the sheer joy of creating, and these things praise and glorify Him through that. I wonder how many wondrous things there are in the universe which we will never experience, things that will never come to light. What lies in the midst of giant space nebulae or on countless planets that orbit a phenomenal amount of stars. Unlike us humans, God seems to not be preoccupied with the logic of creation, not everything needs to makes sense - why a beautiful hummingbird specialises itself to one flower, or why most every living object has intricate patterns woven into the fabric of it's structure - God seems to create for the simple love of creating and of beauty. This is just a guess, on my part, I shall never be able to even marginally adequately describe God's creation, and much less so his creativity from which all nature stems.
Earlier I mentioned how I childlike stared wide-eyed and mystified at all of the 'greenness' and wonder in Germany, and this child aspect is something that has over the last 2 months intrigued me. I set out to rediscover, reconquer, my childish nature - that part of me which had died some time back, when I thought being mature meant putting all childish ways behind. To a certain extent, there has to be a time when we take on the perspective of an adult, and see the greater picture; however I think that this childlike element of us is not necessarily bad. I am fascinated how a young child can continually have the same thing done to him: to have the red ball rolled to him, or be thrown up into the air and find such satisfaction, even after the 37th time. This is something which us 'adults' can certainly learn from, as so often we are unsatisfied with that which we have, throwing out words like monotonous, trivial, recurring. What would happen if we were to just launch ourselves in the snow, roll down a hill, or tramp through the forest just for the sake of doing it? Not trying to pin meaning and productivity to everything we do.
Resting in Silence
Silence fascinates me. It's undefining nature. It's intangibleness. What is silence? What is it that attracts me so to silence? Those of you who know me a bit better, will know that silence is great important to me. The pursuit of silence has in the last half year been something that I have strove for, something which seemed at time an uphill battle, during times when silence was the last thing on my mind. And yet, I believe that my personality, my character is one that needs silence, that needs the stillness. I see this arise especially during big social events, when so many things are crowding into my head, so many people are trying to talk to me, and a plethora of activities is crowding me. It is in those moments that I often just need to escape, to retreat an area of solitude, or even have a personal conversation with someone. Often I will simply sit there and play piano. This isn't strictly silence, but what is silence? For me it is when all the stress and thoughts of the day, when all the worries and problems just fade away for the moment, and nothing from outside is trying to cram information into my head. That means that perfect silence can have the birds chirping outside my window, have the sound of the rushing river in the background, or the sound of falling rain. Silence can be playing the piano, even. It's an abstract thought, and I suppose that a linguist would would be appalled at my definition, but it's my artistic way of describing something.
And then there is that special silence. That holy silence when we stand before the God of the Universe and are simply "be[ing] still and know[ing] that He is God" [Psalm 46:10]. When we realise how minuscule we are before the God of the Universe, a God before whom "the mountains melt like wax" [Psalm 97:5],
"who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it:" [Isaiah 42:5]Truly, David asked a just question, when he in awe asks "what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of him?" [Psalm 144:3]. It's in those moments that I think that silence is sometimes the only adequate response, apart from crying out "Woe is me" like prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 6.
And in this silence, in this stillness, I draw my strength and hope for a new day. I consider one of the mysteries of the Christian living; how the simple act of sitting still before God - even when we wait for his voice, and hear nothing - brings so much goodness and fulfills our desires. Being still before the God of the Universe daily is ,in my eyes, a secret and first step to a fulfilled life, one brimming with creativity, hope and love.
I did devotion that I did a few months ago, and I know that I wanted to only write about the topics that moved me this month, but especially as I have been thinking about silence, thoughts and topics overlap from the past.
And I thought about that story in 1. Kings 19, when Elijah, the prophet of God is fleeing from Jezebel. And Elijah is tired, he is exhausted, even weary of life. What kind of circumstances must have this hero of faith been in, what kind of physical and mental stress must have bore down on this great man of God to cause him to flee into the desert. To cause him to despair of life - to pray to God: "I have had enough, LORD", [...],"Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors". [1.Kings 19:4]
And this was directly after Elijah won a colossal victory at Mt. Carmel; when fire from heaven fell, when Elijah was given strength to outrun a chariot. Elijah experiences an amazing display of God's power over his enemies, and yet the next moment he is fleeing? It seems as if the greatest trials in our life, follow from our greatest victories. Jesus was tempted in the desert by Satan, after displaying a heavenly sign of his mission,and his position. After Daniel had been elevated to the second highest position in the Kingdom of Persia, he was promptly put the test - continue worshiping God or become the next meal for a pride of lions. He chose the latter. [Daniel 6]. We see this recurring theme throughout the Bible - after a great spiritual victory, we are often confronted with the slings and arrows of the devil. It is in these moments that we must stand strong; when we cannot give way and must hold our ground. I've always found it fascinating that the English word for lieutenant, comes from the identical french wort 'lieutenant" - which then, when you look at the individual parts of the word we get "lieu" = (place, ground, position) and "tenant" (=holds). So, a lieutenant is literally "one who holds his ground". This may seem to be like one of the numerous random thoughts that I tend to throw into a blog, but often our spiritual life is referred to as a battle, a fight.
The Invasion
In his book "Mere Christianity", C.S. Lewis writes about the age-long conflict between Good and Evil; between a side that fights for love and mercy and a side that is malevolent. In this chapter he makes some very interesting assertions, but still has the gift to explain these in simple terms for everyone. A bit off track here myself, but oh well: he explains that what we know as 'evil' is simply a perversion of something that is good. Pure evil by itself cannot exist, as it must build on something good and pure for it to be evil. Take murder, for example; murder is a violation of life - it becomes evil by taking this pure thing 'life' and violating it, destroying it, robbing it. In essence, evil is simply a parasite, a virus that latches itself onto something good and pure and perverts it.
In describing this conflict between Good and Evil, Lewis writes that,
"Christianity [states] that this universe is at war. But it does not think this is a war between independent powers. It thinks it is a civil war, a rebellion,and that we are living in a part of the universe occupied by the rebel. Enemy-occupied territory - that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage." [C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity]
This is a battleground. We are part of the grand campaign of Christ to regain, recapture this world - not the square miles and shifting sands, cities and palaces, but to recapture the hearts of those he loves, those he made and crafted in his image.
Paul, when writing to the Ephesians states that:
Directly following this, Paul gives his solemn, and well-known call to "put on the full armor of Christ"[Ephesians 6:13], and "take the Sword of the Spirit which is the word of God" - something that I already mentioned in my prologue - namely, the power of the Scriptures."For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. [Ephesians 6:12]
On top of that, John says in Revelation:
"Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to make war against the rest of her offspring - those who obey God's commandments and hold to the testimony of Jesus" [Revelation 12:17]The dragon is clearly referred to the devil or Satan [Revelation 12:9] - however, we cannot be completely sure what the woman, or her offspring represent, nor when the time when this 'description' takes place. I personally, in light of the chapter, hold the woman to be the faithful remnant of Israel, and the offspring as the Church of Christ, whom the devil has declared war on.
Now, what does this have to do with rest, and with Elijah fleeing to the desert?
It seems to me that Elijah's hope that this moment has reached rockbottom. He had laboured and toiled, over the years, through incredible miracles, and through famines and signs. Since the mysterious arrival of Elijah on the scene he has been fighting against a godless regime and against a people whose hearts have been turned to stone. He is pouring his energy into something, a mission which God has given him, but at this moment, everything just seems to be in vain. And, I believe that this is a situation which is all too well known in today's society. When we are pouring our effort into a project, into school, into relationships, marriages - I imagine (although I really cannot comment), and even into our spiritual life, but at the moment, nothing seems to be working.
I can easily imagine Elijah just calling out out to God "You called me here! You gave me this mission! Can't you see that I'm tired? That I'm tired of showing these stubborn people day after your glory, only to have them turn their backs again." In this I see several parralels to the prophet Jeremiah. As far as prophets go, Jeremiah had a very unpopular message. After all, who wants to hear that their country will become a desolate wasteland and that they will be scattered across the 4 winds. As a result Jeremiah was attacked by his own brothers, beaten and put into the stocks by a priest and a false prophet, imprisoned by the king, threatened with death, thrown into a cistern by Judah’s officials, and opposed by a false prophet. And yet he keeps on declaring the word of God, calling on the people to repent and warning them what will happen if they don't.
And, there were times when Jeremiah tired of this cycle - this seemingly perpetual repetition of doing the work of the Lord, and seeing no fruit. Not understanding what his part has to do in the larger story. In Jeremiah 20, the prophet complains against God, in a tone that Elijah might also have used:
I cannot even begin to understand what these men had to go through, cannot begin to even try putting myself into their position. I know that I am more than exhausted after exerting my energy into something for as little a time as 6 months, and not seeing fruit come out - when I perceive it as in vain. These men, went decades without seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, without seeing the fruit of their labour. An ordinary man would indeed say that their toil and work was in vain, a chasing after the wind, a Sisyphus continually pushing his bolder up the hill, only for it to roll down again. But these were not ordinary men, and even though they despaired at times and did not see their place in the greater story, they had faith in their God, that he saw the greater picture, and that that picture is good.O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived ;
you overpowered me and prevailed.
I am ridiculed all day long;
everyone mocks me.Whenever I speak, I cry out
proclaiming violence and destruction.
So the word of the LORD has brought me
insult and reproach all day long.But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.[Jeremiah 20: 7-9]
The writer of Hebrews decribes the prophets and heros in his famous 'Hall of Faith' in Chapter 11. He says that
Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. [Hebrews 11: 35-40]
Yet none of them received what had been promised - for God had prepared something better for them. There is a bigger picture; a picture which only God sees, a picture where "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, [and] who have been called according to his purpose." [Romans 8:28]. In the midst of the rain, and the flashing lightning; when the thunder rolls all around and when life seems at it's bleakest, we wonder what the meaning of it all is. The question echoes: why? But, there is a bigger picture, and that picture is good - something that is better than "what had been promised". As cliche as sounds, this world is a fairytale, and there is a "happily ever after" for those who have placed their hope and trust in the Lord. Only, the difference between this fairytale and the ones we've grown up as children, is that this one is true, and is unfolding right before our eyes; that it not only happened once upon a time but has kept on happening ever since and is happening still. I am looking forward to finally seeing that "greater picture", when the scales will fall off my eyes and on that glorious day I will see God and know that he is truely the master painter, the master storyteller, and the master who guided and shaped my life according to his plans for me.
Coming back to Elijah: as I said, Elijah was at ground zero for hope, and the only thing he wanted to do in that moment just just lay down and die. And I love the way the Lord responds him, how Elijah's complaint is answered from heaven; he is refreshed, strengthend and given food. Wow. Not only does God hear Elijah crying out in his moment of pain, God comes near and gives him strength for the next step. In moments of pain and in moments when the road is unknown, when the path leads through valleys of the shadow of death and up rocky hillsides; in those moments God comes near - and provides his children with enough to get by. This doesn't mean that the road will not be marked with suffering; that we won't at times when we cry out to him and our eyes are laden with tears - but it means that his "grace is sufficient for [us]", that his "power is made perfect in weakness." [2. Corinthians 2:19] It means that God will provide the resources to make it through another day.
God provides exactly this to Elijah; the bread and water that will sustain and strengthen him during his long journey to Mt. Horeb. In my own life I have experienced how the Lord at times will unveil something to me, a small truth, a word of hope in difficult times; not as a definite answer or solution to my problems, but as a "just hold on! I will come for you!" promise. And, in some situations, this "hold-on" word of hope is just as important as the answer we are looking for.
God answers
Elijah journeys to Mt. Horeb, perhaps also known as Sinai ,or the Mountain of God. This was a mountain which no Isrealite was allowed to touch back in the days of Moses, a mountian so holy that anyone who broke this rule was to be stoned or shot with arrows, as simply touching him (even in order to kill him) would be too much 'holiness' for those killing him. The mountain was a geographic Holy of Holies, a place where God's presence was so manifold that mere mortals could not come close. [Exodus 19:13]. The description of the mountain in Exodus 19 gives us just a small idea of what it meant at the time for a holy and omnipotent God to descend to Earth. Notice the absolute constrast to the incarnation of Christ in the New Testament:
"Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the LORD descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, the whole mountain trembled violently, and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. Then Moses spoke and the voice of God answered him. " [18-19]
What must have it meant for Elijah to venture onto such a holy mountain, the mountain where the law was given to Moses? A place which he prehaps only had known from the stories he heard as a small child, a frightening place, where thunder rolls and smoke billows.
God promises to pass by Elijah during this night on the mountain, when his voice tells Elijah to go outside and stand on the mountain. And, this following passage in one of my favorite passages in the Bible.
"The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
God does rarely come to us in the fire and wind, in the stress and hectic, when thousands of thoughts jostle for importance in our heads, and a plethora of decisions surround us. God does not speak to us in the storm.
In the saturation of every day, when sitting in class, when pondering the words of a friend, the happenings of yesterday, the choices of today. God does not speak in the earthquake.
When worrying about the paths of tomorrow, what the future will bring, when trying to organise one's life, when attempting to sort the troubles and worries of what could happen. God does not speak in the fire.
God speaks in the gentle whisper.
I've heard that some biblical scholars interpret this sentence as God speaking in the "sound of silence". And, I think that that could very well be the case. For myself, I love silence. I love the stillness in the night, when not a sound can be heard. I love the feeling that silence brings, this being a peace in the soul, being almost isolated from the rest of the world. A world that never stops turning, where business never ceases to stop, where stocks go up and down on their perpetual roller coaster ride.
I love the peace that comes with silence.
For me, the silence is not only constructive, but it refreshes my soul, and it is then that I am closest to my God. It is then that Elijah hears the voice of God, when the LORD comes close and soothes his hurting heart; when an answer is heard.
And, I believe that in todays society we shy far too much away from stillness. Where silence because something almost menacing, a beast that must be slain so that we can continue with our productive lives. What a gift we are missing out on! In the Holy Wild, there is a chapter labeled, "The Gift we Refuse", which refers to the Sabbath. So many times we seem to see the Sabbath as a nuisance, a day where we are technically not allowed to work, but do anyway. A day when that last homework has to be done, and when all the sorting that stacked up over the week has to be done.
As humans, we tend to more and more refuse the rest that our soul desperately needs.
This story highlights the importance of silence, in my eyes, and the importance of coming before our Lord and Savior with undivided hearts!
What strikes me is how the Lord answers Elijah. He doesn't seem to give a detailed explanation of why things are happening the way they are; why the cancer is eating away at a close friend, why the death of a loved one happened, why all the circumstances in our lives that bring us crashing onto the rocks happen. Rather, he seems to say "I will deal with it, just trust me.", and in this case gives Elijah a helper, a helping hand that will support in the coming years, and symbol of hope that he is certainly not alone in his plight.
May you come to experience the love and peace that flows from the Father, a peace that cannot be fathomed, or comprehended, but which comes from the knowledge of the gift of grace which is Christ Jesus, our Messiah. May you experience the strength and refreshment that is found in coming with a still heart before the Lord. May his shalom envelop you.
havenu shalom malechum (peace be upon you)
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